Boiler Killer Strikes Again

Teddington: 10 June 2021:

Vaillant Ecotec, 10, a hardworking combination boiler, was today found dead in the garden of his family home in Teddington, West London. His torso was found in the front garden, with body parts gruesomely strewn across the grass. This grizzly discovery marks the fifteenth unexplained death of a boiler in Teddington this year.

We understand that he had been in good working order just recently, and his death has left other household appliances in a state of shock.

Bosch Fridge Freezer, 8, was lost for words. “He put in a fine performance over the winter, emitting almost 1.5 tonnes of carbon dioxide. You really couldn’t ask for a better boiler. And now it’s summer and he had been hoping for a bit of rest, just heating water for the odd shower. I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Early reports suggest that the slaying was pre-meditated and the killer was probably operating on a so-called ‘contract’. An Air Source Heat Pump was seen in the back garden just before the incident, and a Police spokesman confirmed that they considered that sighting was significant.

One Response to “Boiler Killer Strikes Again”

  1. Ross Mason Says:

    Calorificly terrorising.

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